this past weekend at covenant welcomed over a hundred high school students who were all competing for the illustrious maclellan scholarship, which is of course the best scholarship one can earn here atop lookout. i myself am a recipient of this impressive scholarship and seeing all of these high school seniors here over the weekend competing carried me back in time. the competition was and still is rather fierce but the best part of it all is seeing how obnoxiously these people dress in effort to better impress the faculty. haha... i feel it is something everyone should see before they die. anyway, i had the opportunity to sit and visit with many of the visiting students and was even able to house one student in my fortress of a dorm room. it was great to wake up to the sound of this guys alarm every morn around the brutal hour of six. (one day we were lucky enough to make it to 6:30.) he had to be up and completely ready by seven in order to fully convince himself by eight that he could make it to his meetings at nine dressed to impress. not to mention he had to give himself enough time to work on and recite to us (me and tpotts, my roomie) his many famous quotes which he felt gave him an edge over other potential scholarship recipients. i wish i would have had some quotes whenever i was being interviewed for my maclellan scholarship :)
so thursday night i receive an email from dr. mask, one of my community development professors, asking me to speak to the number of visiting students about my "covenant experience" along with a summary from my summer in houston. reluctantly, i agreed to do so, consequently forfeiting my friday night for a three hour meeting/lecture/boringly repetitive get-together that extended an hour longer than scheduled. anyway, i get to the meeting right on time - which at covenant means 15 minutes late - and of course they are already praying.
(i was late because the jv basketball team was playing motlow state who has several ncaa d1 players that have either earned poor grades or been in trouble with the law. they even have kevin durants - big time NBA player - cousin on their team who is 6'10" with a 40" vert and a plus 7' wing span. i swear he could take money off the backboard. in the words of j-strick, my main man on the jv, "he kicked me in my chest when he dunked on me." just note that it wasnt this guys knees hitting my mans chest, which is what normally happens when one gets dunked on, rather it was this guys toes. he literally, and i witnessed this firsthand, looked down into the rim before dunking the ball ferociously all over j-strick. i was in awe.)
okay so back to the meeting/lecture/boringly repetitive get-together where i was going to be one of several students speaking... i crept in quietly and tried to go unnoticed. i really had no idea at all what i was going to say and i actually felt myself growing quite nervous at the sight of the many students and their parents. all complete strangers to me, they looked completely intrigued and captivated by every word uttered from the lips of the professors leading this assembly. this was also slightly unnerving. i was completely bored with all of the "introduction lectures" that were being given bc i have already heard everything that was being said a good 1000 times too many. so im sitting there and before i know it people are clapping and my neighbor whispers to me - good neighbor - that im supposed to be heading to the front of the room to speak... im still dreaming of the dunk i had just witnessed.
well i didnt waste any time. as i walked to the front of the room i started talking. i told them about a dream i had just had the night before which dealt with a professor yelling at me concerning the sovereignty of God. (i kid you not... i had a dream where a professor was yelling at me, and i at him, about God's sovereignty. it was pretty funny.) by the time i get to the front of the room im almost finished with the dream and as im relaying the last of it, my mind continues to race through the different ideas and memories i could use to talk about my "covenant experience." i have no idea what to say. well i begin and to avoid boring you i wont share with you the whole speech (more so bc i dont remember what all i said... i just kinda let it flow), but it turns out that i did a really good job. a good enough job anyway to foster the question, "how has your perception of God changed through your internship?" wow... thank you miss mac scholar! arent you so intelligent with your difficult yet important question? ha.. i was stuck on stage smiling while in my mind im jumping off cliffs and diving into pools of lava. i stall for a second telling her how glad i am that she asked the question before i tell the story of my weekend "on the block" which was of course highlighted by one on one time with both a drug dealer and pimp. i told her how i never thought God could use someone like that to show me something about my faith. i then told her how i was wrong and that God did in fact use those guys to reveal himself. and although the answer proved sufficient, adequate, whatever, i left the stage feeling as if i didnt answer the question good enough.
i thought about that question for most of the night and the more i thought about it, the more i began to see how my perception of God has changed: this past summer i saw God. now He of course did not come down and physically touch me or anything, but He was there. He was there the whole time in ways i had never seen before. the beggar on the street corner, the pimp, the drug dealer, the family i stayed with, the crack heads and other druggies, the prostitutes, the homeless... all of these people are God in my eyes. they represent Christ. they are Jesus under the guise of human suffering. they need my love and i desire to have theirs. the truth is that the people ive described are just like me. they are made in His image and they are sinful by nature. they are also, just like me, hungry for love. and when i think about my own life - the many times an hour i sin against my creator only to have Him respond in love - i am convinced of this truth more and more. if i serve a God who can take all of my crap (not even talking about yours) and still love me, can i not do the same for a person in need? i have no other option. they demand my love and only selfishly will my love remain stagnant. the idea is a surrender... a surrender to love. and this surrender can only take place in a perfect love and the only place i know where to find a perfect love is in Christ. it is only there where i am relaxed enough to surrender. i wish i could stay forever, resting in His promises, in His abiding love. too bad i confuse myself with Him sometimes.
all that said... my perception has in fact changed. i wish i could have given this answer to the girl who asked the question. chances are i'll never see her again and she will never hear this answer... and maybe it doesnt matter too much bc experiences cant be shared. they can only be offered as encouragement to those listening. they are within us. they are the Spirit working in us. they present fruits of that work... and a lot of times they show me the rotten fruit too - its just kinda hanging around in my heart looking for nourishment. i long for the day when looking is no more.
ps - i am not and have never been a maclellan scholarship recipient. just thought it would be cool to be one for a page or two.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Friday, January 11, 2008
i have 6
so here at covenant we have a place called the great hall. i like to call it a cafeteria since it is where we eat. but its the "great hall." im not really sure where the name came from or if there is even history to it, but i have always been amused by the name. many people say it makes them feel as though they are in one of the harry potter movies due to the architecture, but i guess im used to it now. what i do know is that the food could use a little magic. anyway, this being the first week in the semester, i really expected to find some food in the hall of greatness that would actually fill my appetite. i was wrong. history would tell me that the food generally gets worse as the semester wears on - i hope we are radical this semester but im not going to the bank with anything.
anyway, i really have no point in telling you any of that apart from the hidden gratitude expressed towards my mom for her home cooking. i can make it clearer: thank you mom for your hard work in the kitchen throughout the past 21 (almost 22) years of my life; it has spoiled my taste buds leaving me despaired whenever i walk through the doors of the "great hall." okay so im not that good with compliments but i hope you see my point.
food at home = good.
food at the "great hall" = despairing.
on and on i could go but ive spent enough time on it already. only divine intervention will save the great hall and my stomach.
there are not many things at all i dislike about being away at college. food is obviously a down point but everything else really isnt that bad. i love the guys i hang out with, the girls i hang out with, i even love most of my professors... although there are a couple... but for the most part, i prefer to be here than anywhere. its beautiful, im on a mountain, on a river, in a city, away from a city, surrounded by christians, and blessed in so many other ways. but there are times when i wish i was somewhere else. and not just when there is a big test or paper due---> that would mean i never want to be here bc there is ALWAYS something due --- but rather when i start thinking about all my guys at home. like my brothers. not really my friends at home bc honestly my best friends at home are my brothers. its weird to have grown up with so many and to now have so little. obviously i still have them but they arent here in my room.
no longer do we live under the same roof. we dont all wake up before school mumbling under our breath about the upcoming sermon we will all hear during breakfast. (love you dad --> our brains ..ha i guess hearts.. just werent up to par during that hour. but see i said heart so i was listening just not participating) we dont fight over cereal boxes any more. i no longer fall asleep in the shower only to be awakened by my someone beating on the door. i dont come home after school to hear seth rocking out in the basement. i dont see griff and tanner laughing like little hyenas bc someone farted or said something associated with farting. i dont see cobi with all of his gadgets and menus and crazy ideas that are beyond me (hes like addison and is far too intelligent for me). yates is no longer resting on the couch when i come back from class. addison isnt walking in the door with me pondering the problems of the national and world economy all the while keeping his conclusions to himself. and i dont even get to see mom in the kitchen drinking several bottles of wine, fumbling around trying to find us all a snack. haha okay so an extreme exaggeration there but i cant help it bc i love my mom!
shes an angel and im convinced of it more and more everyday bc more and more everyday i realize what she puts up with.
sadly, im not even able to be at home reading, doing homework, and all other things intellectual when my dad walks through the door from work. ha so i didnt do much of that during high school but ya know, it sounded kinda cool. anyway, things like this i never really give much thought until i spend an extended amount of time at home only to once again leave. i see what ive missed and i miss what ive seen. i mean sheesh. yates is my height now and cobi is well on his way. addison has of course passed me years ago. in the words of papa.."dane, you might be the runt of them all!!!" and yes he shouted that.
and speaking of the whole height thing, im always asking God why in the heck im dang short. am i not the basketball player? dont i need the height? like i can save the world and only be 5'5" but i cant say the same for ball. you kinda need some height to be competitive today. and as i think about it, maybe you would need a little height to save the world. i think it might be hard to gain everyones respect as a short person. so i guess its alright that all my brothers will probably be taller than me- i think they'd do a better job leading than me. besides tanner... he is just short. haha! jk... i like you tanner. you might just be the funniest of us all - the rest of us are depressingly incapable of taking jokes...
even tanner and griff are growing and changing in so many ways. they are like different people almost every time i come home. and by different i mean better. they are so stinkin funny - especially together - and i love seeing how they interact with everyone.
tanner is so chill and just loves to sit back and listen to us older guys talk with and make fun of one another. he just laughs and laughs. not that he wont participate... i dare you to mess with him bc you will probably receive one of the funniest comments of your life!
griff on the other hand is involved from the first syllable of the first word anybody mentions. he loves to listen bc he has figured out its a great way to learn - which right now is about his favorite thing to do >>> learn new things and tell you all about them.
yates, along side getting taller, is also maturing. from my last post i hope you gathered that and i just want to reiterate here that his maturity level is growing. fast. he is also getting a little witty, which is something i never thought would happen. but since he is, it is much easier to have him around the "kings of wit" - addison and myself. (dad tries to participate but he gets burned!) seth is even maturing. he is much more involved in his communication these days and he no longer gives one word answers. and i know thats hard for him bc i know he knows what he wants to say, he just cant quite get it to us as clearly as he would prefer. its got to be frustrating for him but somehow i trust and believe the Spirit has worked in seths life over time and given him the courage and motivation to be where he is today. its really amazing to see. he has always been the greatest blessing to our family in my eyes and as he gets older the blessing only grows stronger.
cobi is just smart. he works all the time on his own personal projects - some of which we find quite trivial - all the while ignoring our insensitive comments and gestures. and ya know? i really like that - i love the passion he exudes for things of his own personal interest even when his older brothers give him a hard time. there is no telling what he will do... hes a thinker with an imagination of which im sinfully jealous.
addison is just addison. hes always been addison to me. nothing more nothing less. he has been with me for as long as i can remember and there is not another man on the planet i would have rather had at my side. there is no category for him. he succeeds wherever he is at in whatever he does. doesnt really matter whats going on. and the coolest part to me of it all is that he does it all with his own style. i mean, its not like there havent been other guys similar to him, its just that there is no one out there just like him. hes borderline nonchalant, but all the while responsible. all the time casual, all the time about his business. never says too much, never says too little. he just has things figured out. i really like him. im jealous of him too. and talk about funny... im always on edge waiting to hear what might come out of his mouth next.
okay so im bouncing around like some ADD maniac that i might be, but all i really want you to know is that i miss my family. i miss my brothers. yeah i have friends here but they just dont compare. its just not the same. i think sometimes i get emotional. not much, but maybe sometimes. like with my family i think its okay but the rest of the time im a rough and tough guy who is strong and not weak or vulnerable and dont you forget it! but seriously, i have times here when i get a little down about missing out on seeing all of my bros grow up. in these times i might share some stories with friends about my childhood, grab a coffee with that lucky girl (definitely a joke), or just relax in my bed looking out the opened windows of my room across the beautiful mountains as the sun sets in the distance painting the sky in the most extreme fashion. (definitely not a joke --- we cut off the branches of the tree that was previously blocking our view. true story. one im rather proud of too.)
but lately ive been blessed through the reminder that we have a God who is always with us and who always provides for us. even when we move or go somewhere else. so now its more exciting than saddening to think about my family and my brothers. its not easy but im everyday learning more and more to lean on Him – to rest on Him alone – to spread His love through my words and actions – and to even share with those around me the glory God is given through our engagement with His creation alongside the family through which He so richly and gracefully blesses us. its been really cool to think about and to even begin to believe. its hard to believe. really hard. thank goodness His Spirit lives with us. (and knocks the door down after we've fallen asleep in the shower)
anyway, i really have no point in telling you any of that apart from the hidden gratitude expressed towards my mom for her home cooking. i can make it clearer: thank you mom for your hard work in the kitchen throughout the past 21 (almost 22) years of my life; it has spoiled my taste buds leaving me despaired whenever i walk through the doors of the "great hall." okay so im not that good with compliments but i hope you see my point.
food at home = good.
food at the "great hall" = despairing.
on and on i could go but ive spent enough time on it already. only divine intervention will save the great hall and my stomach.
there are not many things at all i dislike about being away at college. food is obviously a down point but everything else really isnt that bad. i love the guys i hang out with, the girls i hang out with, i even love most of my professors... although there are a couple... but for the most part, i prefer to be here than anywhere. its beautiful, im on a mountain, on a river, in a city, away from a city, surrounded by christians, and blessed in so many other ways. but there are times when i wish i was somewhere else. and not just when there is a big test or paper due---> that would mean i never want to be here bc there is ALWAYS something due --- but rather when i start thinking about all my guys at home. like my brothers. not really my friends at home bc honestly my best friends at home are my brothers. its weird to have grown up with so many and to now have so little. obviously i still have them but they arent here in my room.
no longer do we live under the same roof. we dont all wake up before school mumbling under our breath about the upcoming sermon we will all hear during breakfast. (love you dad --> our brains ..ha i guess hearts.. just werent up to par during that hour. but see i said heart so i was listening just not participating) we dont fight over cereal boxes any more. i no longer fall asleep in the shower only to be awakened by my someone beating on the door. i dont come home after school to hear seth rocking out in the basement. i dont see griff and tanner laughing like little hyenas bc someone farted or said something associated with farting. i dont see cobi with all of his gadgets and menus and crazy ideas that are beyond me (hes like addison and is far too intelligent for me). yates is no longer resting on the couch when i come back from class. addison isnt walking in the door with me pondering the problems of the national and world economy all the while keeping his conclusions to himself. and i dont even get to see mom in the kitchen drinking several bottles of wine, fumbling around trying to find us all a snack. haha okay so an extreme exaggeration there but i cant help it bc i love my mom!
shes an angel and im convinced of it more and more everyday bc more and more everyday i realize what she puts up with.
sadly, im not even able to be at home reading, doing homework, and all other things intellectual when my dad walks through the door from work. ha so i didnt do much of that during high school but ya know, it sounded kinda cool. anyway, things like this i never really give much thought until i spend an extended amount of time at home only to once again leave. i see what ive missed and i miss what ive seen. i mean sheesh. yates is my height now and cobi is well on his way. addison has of course passed me years ago. in the words of papa.."dane, you might be the runt of them all!!!" and yes he shouted that.
and speaking of the whole height thing, im always asking God why in the heck im dang short. am i not the basketball player? dont i need the height? like i can save the world and only be 5'5" but i cant say the same for ball. you kinda need some height to be competitive today. and as i think about it, maybe you would need a little height to save the world. i think it might be hard to gain everyones respect as a short person. so i guess its alright that all my brothers will probably be taller than me- i think they'd do a better job leading than me. besides tanner... he is just short. haha! jk... i like you tanner. you might just be the funniest of us all - the rest of us are depressingly incapable of taking jokes...
even tanner and griff are growing and changing in so many ways. they are like different people almost every time i come home. and by different i mean better. they are so stinkin funny - especially together - and i love seeing how they interact with everyone.
tanner is so chill and just loves to sit back and listen to us older guys talk with and make fun of one another. he just laughs and laughs. not that he wont participate... i dare you to mess with him bc you will probably receive one of the funniest comments of your life!
griff on the other hand is involved from the first syllable of the first word anybody mentions. he loves to listen bc he has figured out its a great way to learn - which right now is about his favorite thing to do >>> learn new things and tell you all about them.
yates, along side getting taller, is also maturing. from my last post i hope you gathered that and i just want to reiterate here that his maturity level is growing. fast. he is also getting a little witty, which is something i never thought would happen. but since he is, it is much easier to have him around the "kings of wit" - addison and myself. (dad tries to participate but he gets burned!) seth is even maturing. he is much more involved in his communication these days and he no longer gives one word answers. and i know thats hard for him bc i know he knows what he wants to say, he just cant quite get it to us as clearly as he would prefer. its got to be frustrating for him but somehow i trust and believe the Spirit has worked in seths life over time and given him the courage and motivation to be where he is today. its really amazing to see. he has always been the greatest blessing to our family in my eyes and as he gets older the blessing only grows stronger.
cobi is just smart. he works all the time on his own personal projects - some of which we find quite trivial - all the while ignoring our insensitive comments and gestures. and ya know? i really like that - i love the passion he exudes for things of his own personal interest even when his older brothers give him a hard time. there is no telling what he will do... hes a thinker with an imagination of which im sinfully jealous.
addison is just addison. hes always been addison to me. nothing more nothing less. he has been with me for as long as i can remember and there is not another man on the planet i would have rather had at my side. there is no category for him. he succeeds wherever he is at in whatever he does. doesnt really matter whats going on. and the coolest part to me of it all is that he does it all with his own style. i mean, its not like there havent been other guys similar to him, its just that there is no one out there just like him. hes borderline nonchalant, but all the while responsible. all the time casual, all the time about his business. never says too much, never says too little. he just has things figured out. i really like him. im jealous of him too. and talk about funny... im always on edge waiting to hear what might come out of his mouth next.
okay so im bouncing around like some ADD maniac that i might be, but all i really want you to know is that i miss my family. i miss my brothers. yeah i have friends here but they just dont compare. its just not the same. i think sometimes i get emotional. not much, but maybe sometimes. like with my family i think its okay but the rest of the time im a rough and tough guy who is strong and not weak or vulnerable and dont you forget it! but seriously, i have times here when i get a little down about missing out on seeing all of my bros grow up. in these times i might share some stories with friends about my childhood, grab a coffee with that lucky girl (definitely a joke), or just relax in my bed looking out the opened windows of my room across the beautiful mountains as the sun sets in the distance painting the sky in the most extreme fashion. (definitely not a joke --- we cut off the branches of the tree that was previously blocking our view. true story. one im rather proud of too.)
but lately ive been blessed through the reminder that we have a God who is always with us and who always provides for us. even when we move or go somewhere else. so now its more exciting than saddening to think about my family and my brothers. its not easy but im everyday learning more and more to lean on Him – to rest on Him alone – to spread His love through my words and actions – and to even share with those around me the glory God is given through our engagement with His creation alongside the family through which He so richly and gracefully blesses us. its been really cool to think about and to even begin to believe. its hard to believe. really hard. thank goodness His Spirit lives with us. (and knocks the door down after we've fallen asleep in the shower)
Sunday, January 6, 2008
i used to dream of playing on the pba tour.
christmas break was too short. or maybe it was too long. or maybe just too good. in any case im thinking it should still be here. it was good to be home and see the family... all my brothers are growing up so fast. its kinda weird to miss out on their growth on a day to day basis but its also very rewarding to catch them unprepared in their various stages of growth and maturity. its safe to say that yates probably gave me the most to be thankful for this past holiday season. i'll let you in on that in a minute...
being back on top of lookout ive felt my mind and heart shift slightly from where it was over the holidays. already ive felt myself giving into the warm sense of security i have here. already im becoming complacent in my current state - a state where complacency should be the last of options - but nonetheless i feel my Saviors love all the same... its not exactly what i want. sometimes i actually want to feel God's wrath. like i want Him to beat me down and show me my need for Him at all times. that is until i actually start thinking about what His wrath could actually look like... ha. i guess im more than satisfied in His grace for i would have been dead long ago. still i have these feelings and ideas and questions that bounce around in my mind leaving my heart floating around aimlessly searching for something to cling to. when will i be able to finally rest in His arms? in the truth that is Him? i have no idea.
so back to yates... this break i was able to spend some time with yates that i generally dont. it was good for a number of reasons and i'll try to highlight the theme of them all: yates and i always have this battle going on over anything and everything bc of our competitive nature. it was interesting to see this competitiveness take on a slightly different mold over the holidays --> recently ive picked up bowling. i like to think im pretty good and honestly when im here at school i do okay. my scores are typically above the average mark in the group and of course that runs straight to my head. anyway, having just traded a t-shirt for a pair of bowling shoes, i was anxious to get to the bowling alley at home and try my luck. not wanting to go alone i grabbed yates and off we went. now yates is a good athlete and he generally does pretty good with most sports, but since he wasnt in the bowling shape that i am currently in, i was set on humbling him at the lanes. haha what a good big brother! - deceitfully inviting the younger to come bowling in order to satisfy my grossly narcissistic mentality... sad. so yeah, we get there and things are good. the rates were cheap and we were set to bowl for a couple hours. i was happy. the game starts and of course the lanes arent properly oiled (deduced by my very own expert opinion) and of course the ball im using isnt up to par (deduced in the same manner). needless to say i was losing. i found myself becoming very insecure. with every bowl my mind drifted to the scorecard fearing that yates would actually beat me. so a few frames late that fear became reality. yates, after having been brought to the lanes to boost my confidence and pride, reminded me that i was still placing myself above all else. not to mention he confirmed my fears of being nothing more than an average bowler. i was now mad. i wasnt happy with my score and i wasnt happy with yates for beating me. however, something (which i now recognize as the Spirit in me) allowed me to continue without saying anything out of line, without being critical of yates, and this something even directed my focus back to where it should be - on Christ and even more specifically, loving yates. we bowled for about two more hours. yates helped me see God's love as we continued our strive for perfection on the lanes... he didnt win again but that did not stop him from being supportive of me. somehow, despite my poor example and leadership, yates still enjoyed himself. im guessing he was leaning on the Lord and not on me. i just want you to know that as the afternoon wore on, i had never enjoyed competition so much with yates. we were both encouraging one another and we were both enjoying being together. it was like love. maybe it was love but that just seems weird. i mean cmon, we're still brothers. bottom line is that my brother, who i tend to think of as being below me, showed me Christ. he submitted himself, whether he knew it or not, to the sovereignty of our Father and by that he allowed the Spirit living inside of him to shine a light on my dark, selfish heart. it was truly a beautiful thing to experience. not to mention humbling.
ps - seth accompanied us to the bowling alley later in the week and i must confess that he beat me too. those of you who know seth can now feel me shrinking...
being back on top of lookout ive felt my mind and heart shift slightly from where it was over the holidays. already ive felt myself giving into the warm sense of security i have here. already im becoming complacent in my current state - a state where complacency should be the last of options - but nonetheless i feel my Saviors love all the same... its not exactly what i want. sometimes i actually want to feel God's wrath. like i want Him to beat me down and show me my need for Him at all times. that is until i actually start thinking about what His wrath could actually look like... ha. i guess im more than satisfied in His grace for i would have been dead long ago. still i have these feelings and ideas and questions that bounce around in my mind leaving my heart floating around aimlessly searching for something to cling to. when will i be able to finally rest in His arms? in the truth that is Him? i have no idea.
so back to yates... this break i was able to spend some time with yates that i generally dont. it was good for a number of reasons and i'll try to highlight the theme of them all: yates and i always have this battle going on over anything and everything bc of our competitive nature. it was interesting to see this competitiveness take on a slightly different mold over the holidays --> recently ive picked up bowling. i like to think im pretty good and honestly when im here at school i do okay. my scores are typically above the average mark in the group and of course that runs straight to my head. anyway, having just traded a t-shirt for a pair of bowling shoes, i was anxious to get to the bowling alley at home and try my luck. not wanting to go alone i grabbed yates and off we went. now yates is a good athlete and he generally does pretty good with most sports, but since he wasnt in the bowling shape that i am currently in, i was set on humbling him at the lanes. haha what a good big brother! - deceitfully inviting the younger to come bowling in order to satisfy my grossly narcissistic mentality... sad. so yeah, we get there and things are good. the rates were cheap and we were set to bowl for a couple hours. i was happy. the game starts and of course the lanes arent properly oiled (deduced by my very own expert opinion) and of course the ball im using isnt up to par (deduced in the same manner). needless to say i was losing. i found myself becoming very insecure. with every bowl my mind drifted to the scorecard fearing that yates would actually beat me. so a few frames late that fear became reality. yates, after having been brought to the lanes to boost my confidence and pride, reminded me that i was still placing myself above all else. not to mention he confirmed my fears of being nothing more than an average bowler. i was now mad. i wasnt happy with my score and i wasnt happy with yates for beating me. however, something (which i now recognize as the Spirit in me) allowed me to continue without saying anything out of line, without being critical of yates, and this something even directed my focus back to where it should be - on Christ and even more specifically, loving yates. we bowled for about two more hours. yates helped me see God's love as we continued our strive for perfection on the lanes... he didnt win again but that did not stop him from being supportive of me. somehow, despite my poor example and leadership, yates still enjoyed himself. im guessing he was leaning on the Lord and not on me. i just want you to know that as the afternoon wore on, i had never enjoyed competition so much with yates. we were both encouraging one another and we were both enjoying being together. it was like love. maybe it was love but that just seems weird. i mean cmon, we're still brothers. bottom line is that my brother, who i tend to think of as being below me, showed me Christ. he submitted himself, whether he knew it or not, to the sovereignty of our Father and by that he allowed the Spirit living inside of him to shine a light on my dark, selfish heart. it was truly a beautiful thing to experience. not to mention humbling.
ps - seth accompanied us to the bowling alley later in the week and i must confess that he beat me too. those of you who know seth can now feel me shrinking...
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